Day 94 – 10 Screen Women Who Never Gain Weight (But Would in The Real World)

181.7 lbs

Okay, most of us know TV is not real. You’re unlikely to find a hot blonde living in a bottle and willing to call you ‘master’, even if you are an astronaut. Doctors are so overworked they wouldn’t be find time to log as many hours snogging in the supply room as they do solving complicated medical mysteries in 42 minutes or less. No cartoon “zow!” appears to the blare of trumpets when you punch someone unconvincingly near the face whilst clad in blue and grey tights. Hell, even ‘reality TV’ shows are often scripted.

Yet part of the reason I took on this project was because I work around actors and models, and regularly saw some of them starving themselves to get a certain ‘look’. Being an ancient 37 I couldn’t just tell them why it was harmful; all I’d get was the Eye Roll™. I had to show, not tell, and here I am.

So why do they do it? Because that’s what they see on TV, so that’s the mold they think they have to fit into.

This is especially true for actresses and female models. While Hollywood has its share of hunks it’s acceptable – even required in the sitcom world, it seems – for men to look like land whales who sat on an air hose between takes, while the women conform to stick-bug-in-bikini status. Except on Mad Men. And people really like Mad Men. And the women on Mad Men. You’d think Hollywood would glean something from this.

So while TV men are unrealistically divided into corpulent comedians or male models, their female coworkers seem to maintain unrealistically thin physiques. Almost like a cruel joke, these women are often shown eating everything in sight, as though that’s the production’s way of saying “See? We don’t hang ‘please don’t feed the talent’ on our sets!”.

As Sarah Silverman would say: What the c*#k is that $h!t?

Take Carrie Bradshaw on Sex And The City, f’rinstance. From what I’ve heard, her character never had any food in the house. Yet in eating scenes she’s usually stuffing her face at some restaurant or eating takeout, and in the promos she’s as often holding booze as not. Or maybe more. I dunno – I didn’t really watch the show. I’m just going to assume she was a raging alcoholic. Did she work out? If SATC didn’t portray her as someone who lived at the gym, there’s no way that all the hooch and takeout would lead to a skin-over-bones build like that.

Or the Gilmore Girls on the show of the same title. Whenever lazy writer want to show women bonding on TV, they usually have them sharing food. Ice cream is a popular one. Because Gilmore Girls was basically one long bonding scene, they lived off of pizza, take-out Chinese food, milkshakes, and cheeseburgers & donuts from some diner – not to mention treating pop tarts as a food group. In the nonscreen universe, eating like that all the time while regarding working out like its medieval torture would lead to Gigantic Girls.

Liz lemon on 30 Rock is popular because she’s always putting something in her mouth.Easy there; I’m referring to subs, bagels, Cheesy Blasters and probably pizza tacos. This petite miss (played by the always delightful Tina Fey) should be a perfect sphere if she actually ate like that.

I was once in a Red Robin’s restaurant in Victoria, BC and couldn’t place where I recognized the knockout waitress. The tall redhead was an absolute vision of beauty, but I felt like I’d seen her before. I asked one of my dining companions, who said she too thought she recognized the waitress from somewhere. Was it a mutual friend from long ago? Nope – we soon realized it was just because the girl looked like Grace Adler on Will & Grace, but with bigger boobs.

While Will wasn’t as effeminate as some of other characters on the show, he was gay. Maybe an effort on the part of the producers to “balance this out” explains some of Grace’s tomboyish qualities, like the way she ate. snacks hidden in furniture, taking food from other people’s plates… she was a shameless devourer. The lack of boobs was just how the actress, Debra Messing, was built.

Grey’s Anatomy featured junk food addict Izzie Stevens. You didn’t see her eating it all the time on screen, but her locker was crammed with the stuff and it was implied. Yet even with that and the long hours she put in as a doctor, she still looked sleek and sexy.

Speaking of doctors, Naomi Bennett on Private Practice seemingly lives off of chocolate – yet maintains a trim, athletic physique. If it worked like that in the real world, I’d buy shares in Nestlé or Hershey’s. Actually, considering how much people eat chocolate anyhow, what’s stopping me? Oh yeah. Money.

Brenda Johnson on The Closer has a doctor trying to get her off sweets – but she’s a sugar junkie, with candy stuffing a an entire drawer, her purse, etc. Yet the actress portraying her, Kyra Sedgwick, is thin as a rail.

You’d think Nancy Botwin on Weeds dealt cocaine, not mary jane. She’s so thin it’s like she’s never heard the word munchies, yet she’s often shown drinking high calorie beverages and eating takeout food. There are people who do this – it’s more about portion. But still.

Gossip Girl‘s Jenny Humphrey lives off of waffles. I don’t mean she eats them often, I mean it’s seemingly all she eats. Three squares a day plus snacks. Even with a teenage metabolism, that’d take a toll on anyone.

Lily and Robin on How I Met Your Mother pound back the pints with the boys, matching one for one. So where are their beer bellies? Or muffin tops?

So there you have it. Ten examples of women gorging themselves on-camera, yet staying tiny. If only life were like that! Ironically, most of those shows are probably broadcast thanks to the support of advertising sponsors placing commercials for jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, et al. And since we’re on about irony, how’s this for a kicker: Hurley spent 6 seasons of Lost stranded on an island, living off of whatever fish and fruit he could get a hold of – yet the large man never drops a pound the whole time.

Figures.