5 Tips For Winning The War On Food

War on drugs, war on terror… war on food? Okay, your struggle with food. If I called it ‘the food fight’ some would misunderstand and we’d be scrubbing tomato and yogurt splatter off the walls for weeks.

1. It’s not about weight.

We’ve made weight into such a bogeyman, many people who have read this blog all the way through my stupid “This is why extreme diets are bad for you” 100 days of starvation stunt still freak out if they work out at a gym for 6 months and don’t lose a gram. Nevermind they’re down several pant sizes and all evidence shows they replaced fat with muscle, their weight didn’t change so they’re still unhappy.

When you start identifying your worth with those scale numbers, of course it’ll be disappointing when the numbers don’t change. What matters, though, is not what the scale says but whether you – from a health standpoint – aren’t too fat, nor too thin, and that you’re happy with how you look.

If you want to lose a couple of pounds out of vanity to trim off a stubborn muffintop, or you like the look of visible 6 pack abs and want that for yourself, you’re going to try to “lose weight” but you’re really wanting to lose body fat. So lose body fat. But please stop worrying about your overall weight. Other than extreme cases – like “As seen on Jerry Springer” extreme -weight is not a measure of health or desirability.

2. Fat Loss Isn’t Everything

Some might say this as “weight loss isn’t everything” but I kinda said that above. What I mean this time is that if you’re unhappy and overweight, and think “if I were thin my life would be awesome!” you’re going to ppsychologically kick your own ass whenever you give in and have pizza or something, because you’ll see your weakness as not only holding you back from optimum health, but holding you back from happiness.

There are people of all shapes and sizes who are happy, and others of all shapes and sizes who are miserable. If you’re overweight and that in itself is bringing you down or you’re overweight to the point where it’s unhealthy, then yes, please, diet. But if your sole motive is to be thin because you think being thin means instahappy, you need to re-examine your motives.

3. It’s OK to feel less than OK

Those first two were kinda downers, yeah? Before you reach for your comfort dose of Ben & Jerry’s, remember what we learned as kids: it’s all right to feel bad sometimes. Indulging in a bucket of ice cream or otherwise stuffing your face to ‘feel better’ will just leave you feeling bloated, gaseous, and guilty.

When I was feeling especially down during my 100 days of starvation I’d turn to writing or working out. As you can tell by the crappy quality of my articles, I write in stream-of-consciousness mode. The upside is that it helps me pour what passes for my emotions out onto the page, and you get to read my verbal emovomit after the fact. The downside is sometimes you need to do something physical to feel better.

Instead of chewing and swallowing for that tiny rush of endorphins, try going for a jog, lifting some weights, or hanging out with friends doing something not food or drinks related. Or write bad poetry, then watch it burn in the fireplace later.

This way you won’t feel bad about breaking your diet later, because you’ll not have done so.

4. Troubleshoot

If you read the previous one thinking “but sometimes feeling bad sucks. I want my cookie dough, dammit!” then this is the perfect tip for you. Setting aside how many women are admitted to the emergency room each year from salmonella due to raw cookie dough consumption, eating comfort food doesn’t fix what was broken that made you want comfort in the first place – unless it was hunger and you were just being a whineypants about it.

Because your body rewards certain survival behavior, eating included, with a mild rush of endorphins, eating feels pretty good. That’s why so many people start to use food as a drug. Whether they’re hungry or not, when the fecal detritus hits the rotary oscillating atmosphere impeller they reach for food as though it were a solution. It weren’t.

Get introspective; think about why, if you’re not hungry, you want to eat something. It could be an expression of boredom or loneliness or sadness or anger. Then deal with that something through methods other than mastication.

Mastication means chewing, you pervert.

5. Eat when you’re hungry

It sounds simple enough, but too many of us eat according to the time of day it happens to be, or out of boredom, or whatever. previously I’ve preached that people should eat 5-6 small meals throughout the day. This doesn’t mean force yourself to eat if you’re not hungry – if you’re overweight, foraging is good for speeding up your metabolism. If you’re a snackaholic, stop eating for the entertainment of it. If you’re genuinelt hungry, then dig in, but keep portion sizes realistic.

There you have it. 5 quick tips. Check back for more from time to time, or tell me why I’m wrong and/or an idiot below: